This was going to be wrote last night, and originally it was going to be all about how my friends turned on me, how wronged I felt, that they were jerks….blah blah blah. But then I woke up this morning and realized the only person who was the Jerk was me.
I’m an addict. I should have known better than to keep drinking when I stayed for dinner at Aaron and Mike’s place. It was one of the reasons I had originally wanted to go home, but as the night progressed, and my glass kept getting refilled, I forgot. And lo and behold who emerged from the bottle but the ASSHOLE called Chris.
Russ, was the one who called me on it outside the Beer Store http://www.thebeerstore.ca. I had nearly got into a fight with another patron. He smoothed things over with the guy and his girl, but chewed me out and sent me away. I resented him at the time for doing it, but although he was brusque in his manner, his intentions were still good. He was protecting his friends interests, and there’s NOTHING in the world wrong with that.
I was angry at Mike for being such a bitch. Still think that in fact. There’s something duplicitous going on there between him and Aaron, and he’s intimated as much in previous conversations without going into details. Possibly because I told him I didn’t want to get involved. Possibly just cuz he’s afraid it’ll get back to Aaron before his plans are set in motion. In either case I just don’t like the way he treats his boyfriend. He’s been blocked and deleted from my MSN. Good riddance to bad rubbish!
The one person who I wasn’t upset with at any time, but is more than likely pissed AU MAXIMUS at me is Aaron. He didn’t deserve any of this. I put him in an untenable position, and it has likely cost me my friendship with him. This I consider my biggest regret.
Hence why I deserve to be crowned Jerk of the Year!
Well, let’s see….
Things have been progressing. Not all for the best, but still in a forward direction.
After almost a month I got my apartment done up the way I like. It’s still going to need the walls painted, and I do intend to get to that this time round, as opposed to all the other declarations of intent in the past (lol). THIS I SWEAR (insert shaking fist and deep voice here!)!!
I dropped out of after-care when I realized that CAMH (http://www.camh.net) was wasting my time and endangering me in fact. Can you imagine your therapist telling someone in group that it’s ok to go buy drugs? Christ!! If I didn’t relapse there were at least 5 others in group that could have. Thanks Dale (firstname.lastname@example.org). On top of that, certain promise that were made before I left the Donwoods (www.camh.net/care_treatment?welcome_donwood.html) like an individual counsellor, as I believe that you can’t treat an addiction without going to the underlying source, were revoked the moment I was off site. The excuse is lack of resources and finances for the Rainbow Addictions Group (www.camh.net/care_treatment/rainbow_links.html). How an organization like CAMH can be made responsible for both addiction and mental health, and then make both issues so completely separate so that neither gets treated properly is beyond me. Of course, you could always write George Smitherman at the Ontario Ministry of Health and ask him (email@example.com).
Continuing on…. The young man I’m interested in, Tom, is currently in the hospital having back surgery. This is to fix the damages done by being hit on two separate occasions by drunk drivers (assholes). The war on drugs continues, and yet more people are hurt and killed by inebriated drivers each year. Anyhow, getting back to Tom… I really don’t know what to think, other than that I REALLY LIKE HIM. I met him through Jair (yes, the ICQ cyber stalker from Brazil) earlier this year, and we’ve been talking on MSN ever since, except for a couple of occasions on the phone. Due to the “incidents” he’s been living at home in Lindsay with his rather large family. I’m hoping that once he’s on the mend, we can see if there’s anything further there to pursue. In either case, I think Tom’s a wonderful person and will be a good friend no matter what happens.
I’m getting a new dog finally. his name’s Zorro and he’s currently staying at Gerdy’s Animal Rescue in Montreal (www.gerdysrescue.org). He’s a 4 year old Pomeranian-X and his previous owner passed away. The grand-daughter, being the heartless witch that she was, handed Zorro off to a couple on the Ste Catherines Street and took off. My parents are going to look at him today, and I’m hoping to be in Montreal b the end of the week to pick him up and take a weeks vacation. I haven’t been sleeping well lately, and perhaps the new companion and change of venue will help.
To be continued as always….