Just Hear Those Sleigh Bells Ringing

December has arrived, and with it both dread and anticipation for the Yuletide.

Dread, as this is the 3rd year since my Grand-Dad’s death on December 12th and the sadness it brings both my Mom and my grandfather’s second wife (common law) Noreen, who’s still reeling months later from being moved into a semi-autonomous nursing home.

An addendum to this is that her home was finally put on the market last month and sold a day later to a police office officer and his family. Noreen is absolutely miserable about this, as she has lived in that house for over 40 years, but is resigned. My parents are just waiting for the papers to be signed so that they can get this difficult period done and over with.

This is also a bad time for me as well, as this month usually heralds the onset of my seasonal depression. For a change however, I’ve remembered and have done my best to try to counter it by not only doubling on my meds (Effexor SR 75mg*2), which is ironic, as a couple of years ago I was dead set against taking them at all. The doubling up doesn’t include my Ritalin SR 25mg by the way. I’ve also purchased these new natural daylight bulbs, which according to various medical articles are helpful in improving mental attitude during the long winter months.

When I called my parents on an especially dark feeling evening at the beginning of the month, mostly to try and clear it up, they were kind enough to call me back a few hours later and invite me to come and stay with them in Ste Lazare a few weeks ahead of time. I immediately accepted, which is where I’m typing this now, with Corky the wonder-pom curled up underneath Mom’s computer desk. We’ll be here until after New Year 2006.

It was a good decision. I love it out here in horse country, far away from the hustle and bustle of Toronto, and Corky has never had so much fun dancing in and out of the snow banks. It’s nice to know there’s one dog in this family that isn’t a complete baby with it’s own snowsuit. Don’t get me wrong, I also love the city, but at this time of year, despite all the festivities and good cheer, it makes me feel rather small and insignificant. I’m not the only one that feels that way, and that troubles me that such a happy time of the year is the one where the most suicides occur. Wish it were otherwise and that I could make that happen, but I think it would be cheaper if I just bought each and every person a Coke instead.

I’ve just looked at the calendar, and realized it’s now been a year since I was checked out of detox at 501 Queen Street, which incidentally will be closed next year, as CAMH makes it move to centralize all it’s services at it’s 1001 Queen West locale, site of the old Ontario Lunatic Asylum (brrrrrr). This will include the Donwood eventually, and I personally feel this is a horrible idea, as the Queen West site is far too situated inside the City for any person to feel safe as they wean themselves off whatever personal vices.

We set up the Christmas tree yesterday. Mom invested in these new Noma LED lights that have just come on the market. They use 80-90% less electricity than traditional ones, which in our case comes out to about 8w, but Noma will have to do something about the brightness. I’m all for cutting back on our electricity, but Christmas doesn’t seem the same when you can’t see your @!#$##% tree from the kitchen 12 feet away!!!

Aside from what has already been said, there’s not much else. One of the street kids that lived with me briefly still hasn’t returned my stuff, although he keeps popping up online or calling, saying he wants to get this resolved. Pamela, my friend & co-worker at my buildings volunteer library/clothing bank  is still having problems with Windows XP on my old computer. My sister Laura and her husband Jon will be leaving for Ireland on the 23rd for the Holidays, and my parents will making another trip to the GTA sometime next week to drop Noreen off in Scarborough with her older sister Helen and her family. My friend Derek  just started a new job with the City of Toronto.

Happy Holidays everyone, no matter what you celebrate, and please don’t drink and drive. I’d like to see you all again next year.