This could be developing into a problem.

When I go to bed at nights I hear voices. Nothing clear or discernable, other than modulations and tones that indicate more than one person and gender.

At first I thought they were echoes or murmurs coming through the walls and floors from the other residents apartments where I live, but I only hear them at night after the lights go off and I’m trying to fall asleep. When I sit up however, trying to localize them, I can’t hear them any longer, so I lie back down and within minutes they start anew.

I brought a loud fan up from downstairs, figuring that this would drown out the ambient racket  by creating essentially a white noise barrier. Regretfully this has not alleviated anything, other than now Corky no longer gets up every 15 minutes barking because someone down the hallway let their door slam. The murmurings still persist.

I’m scheduled to see my shrink Dr. Williams next week on the 15th at my final visit to the Riverdale Probation Office on Grosvenor. After that no more psychologist, and CAMH hasn’t really helped me in that matter either. Dr. Chamberlain left me high and dry when I missed one meeting at the Donwoods, despite my calling to advise him.

I’m concerned that this might be the initial stages of schizophrenia http://www.answers.com/schizophrenia. It’s not like I don’t have enough on my plate with the ADHD, chronic depression, agoraphobia, etc… and throughout the years I’ve kept falling through the cracks because I don’t come off wacky enough (except when you’re talking to me, and then it’s mostly an act). I don’t want this to be the case, where the situation goes untreated for so long until finally I wind up in jail again, and the courts are now forced to have to deal with me (the thought of sharing a prison cell with someone named Bubba brings shivers to my bare kneecaps).

So I need to take the bull by the horns and try to get myself some help before it’s too late. Anyone who knows a good therapist/shrink/psychologist please drop me a line.

Thanks. I’m going now to take another sleeping pill in the hopes that I’ll pass out before these voices keep me up again for hours.



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