Personal investment, family, uTorrent update



20h33. (Wednesday night)

Weather : Rain

Playing : Criminal Minds

Mood : Tired, moody

It can be so discouraging sometimes when you’re trying to get someone to see how much time I’ve invested in my Windows Live Space. This is about the only web site, short of Multiply, which I use as a means to shed light on various aspects of myself, to cogitate a bit, ramble on other occasions, all in an effort to give myself a bit of out when things are dull or grey.

I don’t like to showboat as much as I used to. I got hurt, and I really have no one to blame other than myself. In trying to be a somebody, I went overboard, took shortcuts, and got lost somewhere along the way. It’s an old and oft heard story, and although I’ve started making a comeback I still have a tendency to lay low and hide away in my apartment. Not exactly the best way to meet new people, except for online, and how does a person get a true impression of oneself, except by providing as much raw data as possible to give them as clear a picture as possible.

Regretfully, most of my friends, with the exception of Pamela/Tara, never even use this feature, or even glance at the works of others (I am guilty of this as well. Sorry Tim). But, I will plug on, for her, for me, and for the hope that someone else will eventually find their way here.

09h45

Weather : Overcast, some snow on the ground 1*C

Playing : Age of Innocence (Enigma)

Mood : Amber

Woke up to a quiet world today, lightly covered with a dusting of snow (Apparently, downtown Montreal got about 10 cm, and the radio broadcasters were telling people to bring their boots. Snow removal season is over for the City incidentally), and the only other spectators present was the resonant symphony played by an orchestra of birds. Where ever everyone else was on this Thursday morning at 08h30 was a mystery to me. No dogs in the few yards visible, no cars audible, from either nearby or the dull din audible from the highway a few miles away from here, no kids playing or heading for the schools… Nothing. So kewl.

Something occured to me last night, while my Mom was on the telephone with Aunt Nancy, calling from Markham ON to check up on how the move had gone with Noreen. I’m not certain as to whether Mom was just tired or not, but there was a bitterness in her voice, and a final tone when she told Nancy that if "she" (no name at this moment, but I was certain Mom was referring to Noreen) needed anything else now, she bloody well could go to hell after this was all done. Noreen, aside from complaining, has not, at least in my prescence, even bothered to say "Thank You" to my Mom for everything she has done for her in the past couple of months. 5000 km alone just going back and forth from the hospital, Place Mortiz and le Vivalis.

OK. admittedly, my Mom has charged her for some of the stuff, like gas, and I received some monies for my aid in all this. Certainly not the amounts a professional would have received for the same work, but Mom would prefer to give the money to family and friends where possible, and not just throw it away to people who already make more than enough. Mom also is saving Noreen money too.

But Noreen just goes on complaining. A few days ago, it was a phone call in the middle of a late supper (the call itself I don’t hold Noreen responsible for). Noreen could not find CTV on her TV remote, and the 24 hour care staff were all busy getting the others in the ward prepared for bed. AWWWWWW!!!! Me, personally I would have told her, in a polite but firm voice, that she would have to wait or find something else to watch instead. Mom insteads gets rooked, while her meals grew cold, into trying to explain to a woman who first of all barely understands her hearing aid how to change the channel, then has to justify why the staff at le Vivalis cannot immediately attend to this "crisis".

For those of you reading who are going to say "Give Noreen a break, she’s old" let me tell you, this has been a fact of life for the last decade, and even more so since Grand-Dad died in 1999. So, I’m writing these private thoughts down here in a way to exorcise, at least for me, the frustruation of not hearing those two simple words. Mom will vent out loud at Dad as always, who is a tad irritated at Mom’s single minded devotion to helping out Noreen, while virtually ignoring Nana for the past decade.

Not true, but certainly in the last couple of years yes, but that was due to immediate health concerns for Noreen. Yet Mom was always available at the times when a woman’s prescence was instead required for Nana.

My Grand-Ma, my mom’s mother, Doris passed away after a bout with cancer back in 1982. Personally, I think Mom has found her surrogate for her in Noreen, despite her complaining. This is why I will not voice any but minor gripes concerning this matter to her. Instead, I do what I can and am able to support her, so that she doesn’t burn herself out.

This is the truest definition of what I consider family.

11h14

Weather : Cloudy, with sun 1*C

Playing : World’s Finest pt.1 (Superman : TAS)

Mood : Green

Mom has gone over to le Vivalis to see Noreen and spend lunch. A much easier task to consider, now that it’s no longer an hour and a quarters drive just getting there (insert map) from Saint Lazare.

New downloads from FileHippo today : uTorrent version 1.7 a simple file sharing program.

16h32

Weather : Overcast

Playing : Superman theme song (London Symphony Orchestra)

Mood : Green

Beginning to wonder where Mom disappeared to. For someone who was only going for lunch at Noreen’s, she’s been gone an awfully long time. Must have also decided to take the frames that needed some touch ups on the gild in for repairs. I think I heard her mentioning that to Dad earlier, but not entirely certain.

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2 thoughts on “Personal investment, family, uTorrent update

  1. I can understand how frustrated your mom feels.  Dealing with elderly parents is no picnic.  Funny; I thought it was just my mother who never said, "thank you" for anything…seems it\’s universal among the elderly.  That should make me feel better but, it doesn\’t.  Sometimes, it feels like a life sentence, especially when you\’re the only one taking on the responsibility.  It can be a very heavy burden.
     
    Tara

  2. Having witnessed your frustruation at times, I too understand how much simple words can make a difference. My heart does go out out to you when this happens.

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