Addiction and Recovery

For those folks who actually read my blog, I want to apologize for my long absence.

I’ve been away, and in fact I’m still away, dealing with some personal issues…. Actually, no. Let’s call a spade a spade. I’m tackling my ongoing addiction issues at the Salvation Army’s Harbour Light Centre in downtown Toronto.

Yes, I’m aware that I’ve gone to treatment centres before, and always thought that I was better afterwards until I relapsed. This is what is called Flight into Health. It’s a denial pattern. One that I’ve become quite good at apparently, along with a dozen or so others listed in this hyperlink .

So what’s different this time round, you might ask, and you would be well within your rights to do so, considering how often gone I’ve gone though these addiction recovery programs. This is the fourth time, just for the record.

Harbour Light is probably the best program I have ever encountered. Loosely based on the 12 Steps and the Centre’s own experiences, the clients progress is seamlessly integrated. There are no waiting times between programs. You move from Intake to Recovery, then on to Relapse Prevention and finally to Discharge. This can take, depending on your personal circumstances, anywhere from 14 weeks and up. The staff are genuinely invested in your recovery, as every one of them is a recovering addict who has gone through the Harbour Light program themselves. They know it works. The only person who really needs convincing is you.

So, drop me a line if you wish. I have the love of God, my family and some friends backing me up, but it never hurts to hear from someone else either. It doesn’t have to be well wishes either. I know I have hurt people in the past, and I will be making all efforts to correct that and make amends, It could take a lifetime, but I think I’m worth it in the end.

~ Christopher

9 Requisites for Contented Living

Nine requisites for contented living: Health enough to make work a pleasure. Wealth enough to support your needs. Strength to battle with difficulties and overcome them. Grace enough to confess your sins and forsake them. Patience enough to toil until some good is accomplished. Charity enough to see some good in your neighbor. Love enough to move you to be useful and helpful to others. Faith enough to make real the things of God. Hope enough to remove all anxious fears concerning the future.

– Johann von Goethe

Juniper

Spent pretty much all day yesterday outside, which is a good thing since I don’t spend all that much time outdoors these days.

We were planting a new juniper tree, in the hopes that it will in one of the almost always shady corners on Mom and Dad’s property.

Ramsden Park

I go on a lot of walks. First, it helps burn off all the nervous energy I accumulate throughout the day from my ADHD, secondly because I own a dog, who because I live in a bachelor apartment, albeit a large one, needs an outlet himself to get some exercise. We also benefit from the social aspect.

Nothing helps that more so than by going to Ramsden Park

It’s a great place first off, thanks to it’s being at the end of a dead end street, so there’s no danger of traffic, other than local, and that’s limited at best. It’s also the only off leash dog park that I can think of in my area. All others are leash requested, although some people feel that they can do whatever they want, where ever they want, and if people don’t like it, they can move back to whatever country they came from (these are not my sentiments, FYI.)

The people who gather there along with their canine companions, unlike where I live, don’t cop attitude. For them, it’s a chance to relax and see people they normally would never see otherwise, what with busy lives, work, kids, etc…

I had forgotten all about this place up until recently, and now I have every intention of making it part of Corky’s and mine daily routine. We both benefit from this greatly.

Trying to Cope the Right Way

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It’s not easy, living with a mental health issue.
 
I’m out here again, safely in St Lazare QC. thanks to my parents and sister Laura, who graciously made the arrangements to get me from my apartment to the halfway point along Highway 401 in Joyceville, where my Dad waited to drive me the remaining distance.
I had to get away again. I felt trapped, like the walls were closing in on me. I was tired all the time, yet couldn’t sleep properly, and a general feeling of…. Well, let’s call it "ugh" was becaming my daily companion. So, for a change I just decided to pack it all in and leave for a bit, rather than sit and wait until everything becomes overwhelming again.. Last thing I need is to go back to my illicit drug activity to get me through these times.
Admittedly, I have still some responsibilities to attend to, what with my being the Tenant Representative and an executive member of the Davenport Tenant Association, but the majority of what needs doing can be done from where ever I might be sitting at a given time, providing I have a computer with internet access.

Playing with matches in a straw house (Revised)

 Drew was going to WALK to work today!

That’s right! In this temperature! When stories about the difference between frost bite and frost nip are being published on the City News website, Drew was going walk from here, at 250 Davenport Road all the way to his work place Fast Trac Computers and Networking Ltd. on Brock Street.

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I’m not quite sure why Drew would not mention something like this to me. I had to fish around, getting the answer I wanted at around 23h25 last night. I’m thinking that next time, just asking "Do you have any money this week for rent and/or and groceries?" will save me time. Once again, his boss GERRY is late in paying him (when he does at all), leaving Drew in such a lurch that he was going to stubbornly RISK his health rather than simply ask me if he could borrow a bus ticket

Drew’s not doing himself, or me, any favours by continuously holding this type of information close to his chest, and I’m not sure why he’s doing so. Even worse, whether I can even allow myself to care at this point.

I understand that a person has a right to privacy. There are some things in life that are truly no one else’s business. I can respect that. But, there’s a difference between that and actually withholding pertinent information.

When I was partying, my parents were keeping a safety net over my expenses by limiting access to my money. This assured me that no matter what, my rent was paid, as were my phone and cable bills.

Drew cannot continue to think that my safety net can be his for much longer. In the real world, if he was living on his own, he would have already been forced to make the tough decision and leave what I consider a dead end job, to find something more secure. His inability to make a decision is not just impacting on his world, but on mine.

I really can’t keep this up, and honestly, I shouldn’t have to, but I will hold fast for a bit longer and hope that things between Drew and Gerry get caught up with financially.