These are classified ads, which were actually placed in a U.K. Newspapers

8 years old.
Hateful little bastard.

1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor’s dog.

Mother, a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father, Super Dog able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

Also 1 gay bull for sale.

Must sell washer and dryer £100.

Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.

*** And the WINNER is… ***

Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition….£200 or best offer.
No longer needed; got married last month.
Wife knows f—–g everything!

Tarzan and Jane




When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him
and, during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had s

"Tarzan not know s
Ex," he replied.

Jane explained to him what s
Ex was.

Tarzan said, "Oh ….Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree."

Horrified, Jane said, "Tarzan, you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly."

She took off her clothing, and lay down on the ground.

"Here," she said, pointing to her privates, "you must put it in here."

Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her, and kicked her in the crotch!

Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.

Eventually, she managed to gasp for air, and screamed, "What did you do that for?!"

Tarzan replied,

"Check for squirrel."

The Cowboy Boots


Just a little humor to brighten your cloudy day.

The  Cowboy Boots


(Anyone  who has ever dressed a child will love this  one!)

Did you hear  about the Texas teacher who was helping one of  her kindergarten students put on his cowboy  boots?
He asked for help and she could  see why…
Even with  her pulling and him pushing, the little boots  still didn’t want to go on. By the time they got  the second boot on, she had worked up a  sweat.
She almost  cried when the little boy said, ‘Teacher,  they’re on the wrong feet.’ She looked, and sure  enough, they were. It wasn’t any easier pulling  the boots off than it was putting them on. She  managed to keep her cool as together they worked  to get the boots back on, this time on the right  feet..
He then  announced, ‘These aren’t my  boots.’
She bit her  tongue rather than get right in his face and  scream, ‘Why didn’t you say so?’ like she wanted  to. Once again, she struggled to help him pull  the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No  sooner had they gotten the boots off when he  said, ‘They’re my brother’s boots. My mom made  me wear ’em.’
Now she  didn’t know if she should laugh or cry. But, she  mustered up what grace and courage she had left  to wrestle the boots on his feet  again.
Helping him  into his coat, she asked, ‘Now, where are your  mittens?’
He said, ‘I  stuffed ’em in the toes of my  boots.’

She will be  eligible for parole in three  years.