These are classified ads, which were actually placed in a U.K. Newspapers
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old.
Hateful little bastard.
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor’s dog.
Mother, a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father, Super Dog able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
Worn once by mistake.
*** And the WINNER is… ***
FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition….£200 or best offer.
No longer needed; got married last month.
Wife knows f—–g everything!
When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him
and, during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had s Ex.
"Tarzan not know s Ex," he replied.
Jane explained to him what s Ex was.
Tarzan said, "Oh ….Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree."
Horrified, Jane said, "Tarzan, you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly."
She took off her clothing, and lay down on the ground.
"Here," she said, pointing to her privates, "you must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her, and kicked her in the crotch!
Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.
Eventually, she managed to gasp for air, and screamed, "What did you do that for?!"
"Check for squirrel."
Just a little humor to brighten your cloudy day.
The Cowboy Boots
(Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this one!)
Did you hear about the Texas teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots?
He asked for help and she could see why…
Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn’t want to go on. By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.
She almost cried when the little boy said, ‘Teacher, they’re on the wrong feet.’ She looked, and sure enough, they were. It wasn’t any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the right feet..
He then announced, ‘These aren’t my boots.’
She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, ‘Why didn’t you say so?’ like she wanted to. Once again, she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner had they gotten the boots off when he said, ‘They’re my brother’s boots. My mom made me wear ’em.’
Now she didn’t know if she should laugh or cry. But, she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again.
Helping him into his coat, she asked, ‘Now, where are your mittens?’
He said, ‘I stuffed ’em in the toes of my boots.’
She will be eligible for parole in three years.