What Is Safety To Me?

  1. Who Do I feel Safe With?
    I feel safe with my parents, Peter & Gail King.
    My Aunt Nancy and Uncle Doug.
    My friends Heather, Renée & Kathleen.
    Last but not least, my Wonder-Pom Jasper
    jasper chair
  2. What Activities Do I Feel Safe Doing?
    Reading has always been my primary go-to. It doesn’t matter if it’s a book or comics.
    Next up is playing video games.
    Preparing and drinking an excellent mug of coffeee.
    Listening, and occasionally dancing, to music.
    Nature walks.
    Sitting by brooks, streams and rivers (I just love the sound of the water moving).
    Urban exploration.
    Playing cards with my family can be a riot.
    Art (adult colouring books)
    Ironically, painting walls can be pleasantly mind numbing.
    Photography rocks!!
    Walking the Wonder-Pom.
    Watching television or movies, either by myself or with friends/family.
  3. Where Do I Feel Safe?
    I feel safe in my home and within my TCHC community.
    I feel safe at my parent’s home in Saint-Lazare, QC and equally at my Aunt Nancy and Uncle Doug’s home in Brighton ON.
    I find it very peaceful sitting in a chair in the SE corner of the 5th floor lounge at the Toronto Harbour Light, facing the windows with a good book. I love sitting in Ramsden Park with my friend Renée and our dogs.
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Toronto Harbour Light Ministries Spiritual Journal #2

  1. How would I describe my life today?
    Well, it certainly could be better, and yet I’m not 100% miserable all the time either.

    My apartment is subsidized, and paid off monthly automatically, so that’s a significant expense I don’t have to be overly concerned with. Not like how it was once upon a time when I had to dip into my monthly allowance to cover the balance of my marketplace rent.

    I’m on ODSP, and although some people clamour about how that’s a barely livable income, I’m not hurting either. My services bills are paid, and with the exception of my credit cards, both maxed out thanks to cash withdrawals to a total amount of just less than $1500 to pay for my crack-cocaine binges, I still am able to feed myself healthily and set some money aside for rainy days expenses.

    I have a family that loves and supports me, although they can get quite exasperated on occasions by some of the situations I have got myself into.

    I don’t have a paid job, but I have dedicated a good portion of my free time to outreach and advocacy within my TCHC community, and have earned the respect of my fellow residents.

  2.  How would you describe your illness (addiction/mental health)?
    My mental health illnesses on the other hand, desperately need work. My lifelong struggle with ADHD exasperates everything I see, feel and do. The redevelopment of my high rise building has been a bit quite overwhelming in the past few years. Not just to the residents, but to TCHC staff assigned here as well, with many of them leaving the agency due to mental, physical and emotional exhaustion.

    Without their support, I’ve far too often had to deal with critical issues entirely on my own, weakening my own mental reserves. I’m isolating, suffering from depression, exhaustion, and anxiety. There are times that all I feel is a stifling foreboding of impeding crisis, and this has led me back to an addiction I had thought done and over with almost a decade now.

  3. How do I express my spirituality?
    By trying to be of service to others within my community who are unable or unwilling to advocate for themselves, and being grateful for their respect and trust in me.
  4. What kind of practices enhances your spirituality? I volunteer within my community, offering both my time and skills to try and improve the lives of my fellow residents.
  5. What is especially meaningful to me now?
    My health, my family and my community.
  6. For what do I live?
    I want to help improve my community. Make it a thriving, liveable one, where people are happy and feel connected to the world around them, despite their individual challenges.
  7. What is important to me now?
    I would like to regain my sense of dignity and self-worth.
  8. How has having an addiction or a mental illness made any difference for you in what or how you believe?
    I feel that both have made me more sympathetic and open-minded to the plight of others. To try and be more accepting of people’s quirks and foibles.
  9. How do I handle feelings such as anger, doubt, resentment, guilt, bitterness and depression?
    Anger can be a difficult one, in part due to the ADHD. I get angry often, and it burns hot but quick. Sometimes though it can explode in a destructive wave, but I generally know when that’s coming and try to do my best to get everyone clear in time. I’m scared of that aspect of me.

    Doubt is a constant state of being, always sitting there at the back of my head questioning my every action, even when I know for certain it’s the correct one.

    Bitterness and Resentment are one and the same. I try and talk these out and then let them go. I’m not too fond of nursing grudges longer than a few days. Sometimes though, especially if the same individual or situation gets compounded by one abuse  after another, it can be very difficult to not internalize, which in turn can lead to my becoming irritable, argumentative, and spiteful .

    My episodes of Depression suck. I isolate, feel lonely, sad and anxious. I’ll hideaway in bed, sometimes for up to 48 hours of on and off sleep. I forget to shower and lose interest in food and water.

  10. How does my spirituality influence how I respond to such feelings?
     It’s a work in progress
  11. Where do I get the love, courage, strength and hope and peace that I need?
     More often than I get those from my family and the few friends I have here in my neighbourhood. That being said,  I could definitely use some more communal support though, to draw upon when necessary.

Stressors

Bit cold today. -10 degrees but feels like -18 Celsius.

Mom’s got physiotherapy this morning at 11 am in our old hometown of  Pointe-Claire, QC 

PC-vue-de-haut-1

Located in Montreal’s West Island, the City of Pointe-Claire, renowned for the quality and variety of its municipal services, is a wonderful place to live.

It’s everything tech related really. It will be nice and quiet for a little bit, which will be because it can get tiresome with the constant computer, tablet and smartphone related queries.

It can get really frustrating at times for me, depending upon who it is coming to me with their tech problems. They don’t seem to understand that I have absolutely no training as an IT technician.

When they say they wouldn’t know what they would do without me, it occasionally depresses me, because I personally don’t have anyone, with the exception of Drew, to go to for computer related issues. When I do need help, I’m much more likely to Google my questions or go to an online forum and ask for help there.

Bottom line is everything I’ve learned is because I took the time to figure things out, and usually it’s because I’m the one who screwed things up in the first place, LOL.

Mom’s doing it because I’m convenient, but then gets occasionally frustrated when I can’t explain it to her in a way she understands.

There are times, depending on my mood (always fluctuating) that I actually get overwhelmed and anxious every time she calls out to me with a some new query.

Oh well . What can I do? She’s my Mom and I love her. Besides, she’s entitled to anything she wants considering the 9+ months she carried me while she was pregnant, and that doesn’t even include the 47 years of my life and it’s problems

I’ll probably grab the vacuum cleaner after she heads out and do the main floor of the house. Also have to bring the two cauldrons of Turkey Scotch broth in from outside, as well as the hard wood for the smoker and let them defrost. I think, despite the disappointing setback earlier this week with the freeze burned turkey (from 2013), she’s now mentally prepared to get a new bird from the grocer at some point today and get it smoked over the course of the weekend. I would really like to start baking some of the cookies soon too.

Doug Ford’s use of the notwithstanding clause reduces democracy to majority rule: Opinion | CBC News

Central to most defences of judicial review is a recognition that important individual and minority rights are often lost sight of, and sometimes even deliberately overridden, in majoritarian politics. We hope that governments will respect basic rights, but we recognize that they sometimes fail to do so.

Source: Doug Ford’s use of the notwithstanding clause reduces democracy to majority rule: Opinion | CBC News

Yes, it was pretty much a certainty he was going to use the Not Withstanding Clause. Populist move to give his base a boost.

I would have said that it will blow up in his face come the next provincial election, but he’s essentially gerrymandered the vote by ensuring that Toronto doesn’t have the same representation per capita as the rest of Ontario.

Even more disappointing was our Prime Minister and the Federal Government not stepping in to support Toronto.

Dark days ahead. Genuine democracy by the people for the people of Ontario, and perhaps Canada in the near future, took a serious blow.

.

Getting Bedbugs Actually Made My Life Better

I’m closer to my neighbors, living with less clutter, and spend less time worrying about pointless stuff.

Source: Getting Bedbugs Actually Made My Life Better

Full disclosure: I discovered two of these vermin in my unit during the latter part of this Spring. I have no idea how they got there, but have my suspicions that they came from a unit directly underneath me by a couple of floors that I’m aware of having a “problem”. Fortunately enough, I saw them and got on top of the situation right away, and have not seen any since.

Anyways, I found this to be an extremely interesting take on the subject of bedbugs. That despite the toll the trauma of being infested by these little bastards can inflict on a person’s life, there is the possibility too that one can actually better themselves from the experience, by redefining how you see the world and what you consider important.

How to Deal With Blamers | PairedLife

A ‘blamer’ is a type of narcissist (meaning they have an inflated sense of self) who, in their own eyes, can do no wrong. Everything that happens wrong around or to them, whether their own fault or not, they immediately place the blame on the other people in their life

Source: How to Deal With Blamers | PairedLife

Wow. As I read through the list of the Personality Traits of Blamers, as described by the columnist, one person’s name literally jumps to the fore.

Supes VS Batdude

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice
Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)
Fearing the actions of a god-like Super Hero left unchecked, Gothan City’s own formidable, forceful vigilante takes on Metropolis’s most revered, modern-day savior, while the world wrestles with what sort of hero it really needs.… More

Directed By: Zack Snyder
Rated: PG-13
Running Time: 2 hr. 31 min.
Genre: Action & Adventure, Science Fiction & Fantasy
Release Date: March 23, 2016

I’m going to be very honest. Despite the rampant criticisms by alleged “film critics”, perhaps paid off by Disney, this movie was definitely not as shaky as they professed. What’s even more surprising are the Flixster user score versus the number of negative reviews that are placed up front for everyone to see, especially by a website owned by Warner Bros.

Ben Afleck did an excellent job taking on the role of Bruce Wayne/Batman and it should be interesting to see what he offers in the upcoming solo movie. Henry Cavill, despite the crappy hair job, is still proving to be a fantastic Superman. Even Doomsday was well executed.

Probably the only genuinely muddled scene was the dream sequence Bruce Wayne has, with the Omega symbol easter egg accompanied by parademons, all hinting towards the eventual appearance of Darkseid with an ominous warning by what could be one of Jack Kirby’s New Gods. The ending too had a few scenes that were badly sequenced, but so what?

Now, if i were to crap over anything it was Jesse Eisenberg’s portrayal of Lex Luthor. Having Luthor come off as socially inept and insane was BS. Luthor first and foremost has always been a brilliant businessman with a hate on for aliens. I don’t blame Eisenberg for the role he was cast however. That mistake lies directly on Zack Snyder and whatever deviant he hired as screenwriter.

Still, much of this movie should be considered a tremendous success for DC and I look forward to the Justice League movies, providing Disney and Marvel fan babies can restrain themselves from trashing the movies long before they come out.