Suicide Attempt (Obviously, this was wrote after the fact)

I tried to commit suicide. Honestly, I didn’t really want to die when I decided to swallow every pill in my apartment, but I also knew that I wasn’t prepared to continue living the way I was. Despite my best intentions I had returned right back to the manipulative, lying addict who would do anything to get his next fix.

I had gone and applied for another credit card, knowing full well that I would be unable to pay it back and maxed it through cash withdrawals. I had taken advantage of my parent’s generosity and made unwarranted purchases on their AmEx. I owed serious money to a drug dealer from fronts. I did everything and anything I could because somewhere inside me a voice was telling I no longer mattered and that anything I had accomplished was meaningless.

I changed my mind within 15 minutes after, calling up my friend to get the dog and the EMS to come get me. I was then taken to Toronto Western Hospital where I spent the remainder of that Thursday evening drinking a charcoal shake instead of having my stomach pumped, being monitored by concerned doctors and nurses, before finally being advised I was being held under a Form One for the next 72 hours and transferred to the PESU (Psychiatric Emergency Services Unit).

I stayed in PESU for a week, before being transferred to the PISU (Psychiatric Intake Service Unit) at Toronto General Hospital, where I stayed for another week and a half having my medications adjusted, my general physical and mental health, while plans were made for me to continue my care with both the Community Mental Health Support Services and the Community Addictions Support Services Units, all under the umbrella of the University Health Network to ensure that all involved in my care stay in the loop.

I just want to thank all the UHN staff for their help and support, as well as the love from my family and friends. I’m on the mend. It’s going to be a slow process, trying to work through all the pain and suffering and get to the root of all that’s been dragging me down time and time again, but it’s been a long time coming.